Daily Ramble: Lost in the Search for Answers

A friend said I should write posts about some of our conversations and I totally agree. So much so that I have been toying with the idea of starting a podcast where we anonymously tell our stories and share the things we think.

Today we discussed how it hurts when you’re searching for answers but also how there’s a special kind of dishonor to one’s self in searching for answers about someone who doesn’t care. You don’t realize it at first—at least, I didn’t. It starts as curiosity, a simple, nagging need to understand. But before you know it, you’re knee-deep in a digital trail, scrolling through old messages, rereading conversations, looking for clues in timestamps and punctuation marks.

It’s some of the worst feelings I have really ever experienced and what’s worst is how sad and even more miserable you ultimately feel. But that doesn’t stop you.

I caught myself the other night, phone in hand, eyes scanning a screen for some kind of explanation. What changed? When did the shift happen? Was it something I said, something I didn’t? My pride told me to stop, but my ego—wounded and desperate—kept pushing.

The worst part? The answers don’t matter.

If someone cares, you don’t have to search for proof of it. You don’t have to over analyze a missed call, decode a vague Instagram story, or convince yourself that silence is some kind of hidden message. You don’t have to lower yourself to detective work just to feel seen.

Because when someone truly cares, you’ll know. And when they don’t—you’ll know that, too.

The real question isn’t about why they don’t care. It’s about why you keep looking for answers in a place you already know is empty.